Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Joanna's 10 top summer things to do in St. Louis

Hey, y'all, I just thought I would share with you part of an e- mail from Joanna Campbell Slan, author of the Kiki Lowenstein series. Joanna will be here tomorrow with a guest post and a chance to win a copy of her first book, Paper, Scissors, Death and a chance to win a copy of her second book, Cut, Crop & Die. See review here. This will just give you a taste of her sense of humor. Be sure to come back tomorrow (June 11th)for a chance to win one of her teriffic cozy mysteries.

Ten Fun Summer Things to do in St. Louis

1. Chase deer out of your lawn. Curse at deer while they laugh at you and eat your expensive plants.

2. Re-plant expensive plants. Decide you hate Bambi.

3. Buy "Not Tonight Deer" spray by the gallon.

4. Spray lawn with deer repellant. Notice lawn smells like sewage. Deer laugh at you. They like sewage. Your dogs roll in the new smell.

5. Stomp down mole tunnels. Deer and moles BOTH laugh at you. Dogs stink.

6. Pull tiny deer ticks off your body. Your spouse laughs at you and calls you a "tick magnet." Dogs have no ticks or fleas, but still smell bad. Really bad.

7. Find ticks on spouse's body. She is no longer laughing. Dogs go to groomer. You need couple's therapy. Dogs are clean and happy.

8. Call Critter Control to set up mole traps. They charge you $55 per mole they catch. Dead moles are marked with orange flags so dogs can dig them up and eat them then puke. Neighbors are laughing at you.

9. Watch orange flags pop up all over your lawn. You now owe Critter Control $550, and your lawn looks like a crazed surveyor is planning to put a road through it. Dogs go to the vet for upset tummies.

10. Move to Washington, D.C.

I guess moles are a real nuisance in Missouri. For a quick peek how moles fit into the story see Teaser Tuesday here.


  1. This made me laugh. When we lived in Auburn, AL, there were deer all over the place, and people used to say that the first thousand you saw were cute - after that they weren't.

  2. Wow - definitely sounds like some summer frustration!

  3. Very entertaining! I would love to visit St Louis one day.

  4. Oh this is too funny. I like her style. I won't be complaining about my cement lawn anytime soon then :)


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